Review of "The Picasso Flop" (spoilery)

Van Patten, Vince, and Robert J. Randisi. The Picasso Flop. New York: Mysterious Press, 2007.

Mystery novel "The Picasso Flop" tells the story of Jimmy Spain, who was a rising poker pro about two decades ago until his ascent was interrupted by a decade-long stretch in prison for murder. A wealthy former inmate and friend uses his influence to get Spain released early, in the hope that Spain will accept a secret paid assignment to "bump into" and tutor his estranged daughter, Kat Landrigan, in the game of poker, with which she’s become obsessed. Spain hesitates, but with little else in his life, he reluctantly agrees to take her on as a pupil--finding her to be an abrasive gum-cracking goth teen, talking perennially and annoyingly in poker lingo. But also talented.

It’s now a year later as Spain and Landrigan arrive in Las Vegas to play in their first big tournament, the Five Diamond World Poker Classic at the Bellagio casino, which is a stop on the World Poker Tour (WPT) poker circuit, whose final table of play of Texas hold’em poker will be televised on an episode of the "World Poker Tour" television show on the Travel Channel cable channel. Landrigan still thinks her running into Spain was pure luck, and Spain does nothing to disavow her of that notion except feel secretly guilty for the deception.

The tournament is littered with a colorful cast of characters, including a group of tactless and obnoxious college-age players schooled in the game via Internet play, a notion which rubs many poker pro old-timers the wrong way. Suddenly, the leader of the online young guns is murdered, found on a massage table in his hotel room wearing nothing but a bathrobe, which has in its breast pocket the so-called "Picasso flop" of Texas hold’em poker--three picture playing cards (cards featuring a king, queen, or jack as opposed to a number or an ace). Spain is then asked to take on yet another secret assignment; that of surreptitiously investigating the murder on the behalf of the WPT under the "guise" of being just another player in the tournament, by virtue of his being the son of a cop.

By chance, his cop father’s old partner is in town on vacation, and with his able assistance, especially after another Internet player is found dead with a Picasso flop and then two more of the online group are found with their throats cut, Spain does discover the identity of the murderer and confronts him, forcing him to publicly confess to his crimes.

Meanwhile, Spain’s poker skills are put to the ultimate test when he makes the final table of the competition along with a slew of high-profile poker pros.

The novel follows many of the conventions of a murder mystery, in that someone is killed, but by whom and for what reasons is not revealed until the end. There are a few red herrings, a few likely suspects, including a female tournament contestant who’s a dangerous former con woman from overseas, who has lied to the police and told them that she was with Spain at the time of the first murder, when she was not, as well as a muscle-bound lout who was frustrated by his numerous failed attempts at cracking the inner circle of the online players. And even though the police are investigating, it is amateur sleuth Spain who is close enough and knows enough about the poker scene and its people to solve the case before the professionals do. Very specifically, Spain’s knowledge of a certain person’s history and character leads to his suspecting the person’s involvement in the murders (and a search of the person’s home, which would be illegal for any police officer to perform, helps confirm Spain’s suspicions).

What’s best about the story is how fully it captures the poker world, knowledgeably presenting the finer points of the game, the colorful lingo for the cards and the hands, the eccentric quirks of the players. The novel is even divided into the four main plays of Texas hold’em poker--Part One: The Deal, which introduces the characters; Part Two: The Flop, in which the first two murders occur; Part Three: The Turn, in which the next two murders occur while the pool of suspects is narrowed down; and Part Four: The River, in which the murderer is found and brought to justice. This is not an introductory poker book in the guise of a mystery; this is a mystery set amongst the amoral high-rollers, the unflappable professionals, the hungry up-and-comers, and the degenerate gambling addicts that populate poker--a world which has been expanding exponentially over the last few years thanks to both the Internet and the newfound popularity of televised poker shows.

Arguably, the latter can be attributed to WPT creator, Steve Lipscombe, who revolutionized the game--and spawned countless imitators--simply by coming up with the idea to install a small camera into the poker tables that let the TV viewers at home see the face-down cards of each Texas hold’em player. And so necessary to note here is that "The Picasso Flop" bears the WPT logo on its cover and is credited as being primarily written by Vince Van Patten, whose day job is to provide color commentary for the "World Poker Tour" TV series. Hedging their bets for success with this book, Van Patten, best known as a modestly successful actor since his teen idol days in the 1970s, who also spent some years as a tennis pro (and is the youngest son of legendary TV actor, Dick Van Patten), was assisted in the writing of this novel by Robert J. Randisi, certainly one of the most prolific mystery writers in recent decades, who also founded the Private Eye Writers of America organization and co-founded "Mystery Scene" magazine.

Van Patten is assisted in his onscreen commentary duties on the "World Poker Tour" TV series by longtime poker pro Mike Sexton--who is depicted in the novel and has a very prominent role in the story. The reader is tipped off to this in a note in the book’s title verso page, which reads: "Most of the events and main characters in this book are fictitious. Certain real locations and public figures are mentioned. Five actual poker personalities are participating as characters in this book: James Woods, Michael Sexton, Antonio Esfandiari, Michael Mizrachi, and Gus Hansen."

So it is no surprise that Sexton is described quite favorably in the book as "a true Southern gentleman, probably the greatest ambassador of the game," and with traits that a longtime partner would notice, including a note that Sexton’s accent "was heavier some times than others," perhaps especially when he’s nervous. Landrigan outright gushes over Hansen when she spots him at the tournament, calling him "’the absolute nuts!’"—which is poker slang for holding two aces, the best poker hand that you can have in Texas hold’em, and so translates as a very high compliment. Woods, unnecessarily noted as having a genius IQ, is true to his acerbic cinema persona when he fills Spain in on some action on the casino floor, informing him that poker pro "’Scotty Nguyen has bet fifty grand that he can eat five packets of saltines in less than two minutes. Fuckin’ wackos.’"

Call them in-jokes or just a blatant lack of shame, but Lipscombe, described as being Sexton’s (and therefore Van Patten’s) boss, also rates a couple of mentions, including how he created "the ultimate poker show" in the "World Poker Tour" TV series, plus one character’s query about an "attractive woman" standing nearby is answered with her being identified as Robyn Moder, Lipscombe’s partner.

Then again, perhaps all this glad-handing and pumping up by Van Patten of his colleagues and associates in the book—including the dream that Spain has at one point that an angry Sexton flips over a poker table with one hand, exhibiting "Arnold Schwarzenegger-type strength"--is offset by there being no similar Van Patten "character" in sight. And when Van Patten is mentioned, the character rather humorously gets his name wrong, calling him that "’Vincent van Gogh guy.’"

Most telling, however, is the other wording on the cover of this book, the phrase, "A Texas Hold’Em Mystery," which suggests a continuous WPT mystery series, with more books to come. And this may be the key to the most severe weaknesses of "The Picasso Flop," both as a narrative and as a mystery. Are this story’s loose ends going to be addressed in future titles?

The Landrigan character also lied to police about where she was when the first murder occurred, also saying that she was with Spain. She also wasn’t, but it’s never revealed where she was.

Most glaringly, Spain’s one-time cell mate, Paulie DiCicca, a "con man, a hustler, a small-time grifter who thought he was the master of the short and long con" is introduced and amusingly described as sounding "like Joe Pesci on helium" before suddenly becoming menacing and coasting toward blackmail when he seems to know and threatens to tell Landrigan about Spain’s arrangement with her father. Spain preys on DiCicca’s fear of cops to give him the slip, one time pretending an approaching tourist is one of the detectives on the case, and then ending yet another encounter with DiCicca by having his father’s former partner show off his gold police shield, but after that, DiCicca completely disappears. Moreover, Spain’s call in to the father to find out how DiCicca might have found out is literally and literarily not returned.

Also, a kind of penultimate red herring late in the story, a warning to Spain from who is ultimately the guilty party, proved completely unsuccessful. Crafted to make it seem like another character is being referred to, the misdirection is too obvious and can easily be sidestepped, resulting in a growing impatience until Spain comes to the same realization too many pages later.

Ultimately, though, this is a fun story for those who are into poker, with the most enjoyment coming to those who are, not ironically, regular viewers of the "World Poker Tour" TV series. The series itself has revealed the generation gap among the pros, the decades-hardened veterans vs. the hyper technohustlers. And so Van Patten does have a unique vantage point of both groups. In the book, he duly notes the grumbles of the seasoned poker pros, having Spain scold Landrigan at one point, "’You know, before poker was plastered on every TV, if you played the game they looked at you like you were crazy. You didn’t brag about this, Kat. Poker was survival then, not glamorous.’" But he doesn’t have complete disdain for all the new attention shifted over to poker now, including that from movie stars such as Woods and Tobey Maguire, who Spain describes as being a "world class poker player" before musing that "Yeah, Hollywood really had invaded the poker world. It was good for everyone."

(Frankly, the most intriguing mystery of the book isn’t any of the murders but Van Patten’s stab at making a comedic reference to rather obscure film and television actor Andy Devine.)

Lead character Spain’s world-weariness comes off as authentic, even well-deserved, even if the story’s contrivance that a multimillion dollar operation like the WPT would rest the fate of one of its showy competitions in the hands of an ex-convict--especially one convicted of murder--does not. It’s also difficult to believe that said ex-convict would not only still be considered trustworthy but also would somehow be assumed to have detective skills just because his father was a cop--are such skills formed out of nature or nurture?? Nearly as outrageous is the idea that his father’s former partner would happen to show up and would also be willing to help--including in the illegal breaking and entering of the main suspect’s residence.

Outwardly, Landrigan goes through the most changes, finally taking heed of Spain’s admonishments to dress more feminine and lighten up on her penchant for sprinkling poker terms into her every conversation.

Assumably, Spain goes through the most inward changes, gaining needed validation in his ability to once again become a top poker pro as well as unexpected insight into his capabilities as a mentor and detective. For Spain, at least, the theme here is poker as redemption.

Most of all, though, it’s easy to see this novel eventually being adapted into a made-for-cable-television movie for the Travel Channel—starring in the role of Spain which former 1970s teen idol? Just guess who--!